Thanks for the messages & supportive comments guys, I've just not responded because I'm not ready.
Sorry I've been away and quiet, I dunno how long I'm gonna be, and genuinely the worst bit is being without you all, I f*cking miss you.
Just a little look into....Well...everything.
The past 2 years of my life have been a roller coaster, but one I wouldn't change for the world.
For up until Partner was obtained I never once posted any NSFW stuff apart from text format anywhere because I wanted to prove I could do it. After I did, I ripped the bandaid off and posted some because after all, bodies are art, and nudes to me are funny, kinda like a meme. Dunno why, I just find it pretty...amusing?
Another thing I wanna touch on, is the fact I'm unfortunately trans.
I never "rub in anyone's face" about the fact I'm transgender either, hence why a lot of you still, to this day, are still only just figuring it out. I don't hide it. But I don't parade it either. Do you know why? Because it doesn't affect anyone else. It's noone else's concern. I'm me, I'm the girl I was meant to be, it just took the long way to get here.
I like to think I'm laid back, approachable, and make a pretty gosh darn cool teacher when it comes to answering anything anyone asks and my lack of boundaries makes it easier and less intimidating as to whether you'll get an answer.
I hate that I'm trans, I didn't choose to be this way, I don't wish it on anyone else bc it sucks, and I sure as hell would change it if I could've. You don't need to f*cking remind me that I'm a freak; I literally have "ILL" carved into my leg from failed correction therapy when I was 12 a few weeks before I was raped and had my virginity stolen from me and sent me on the alcohol and drug fuelled suicidal rampage that was my teenage years.
What sucks nowadays is yeah sure, the situation, but what sucks more is to try as hard as I do to put a smile on everyone's face and make everyone OK and safe, but assholes can't help but wear me down.
I didn't do anything to you. So why you gotta do it to me? What did I do to deserve being told to kill myself? What did I do to deserve being told I'll never be me? Be complete? Be anything other than the f*cking monster I was born as?
Also, because it keeps getting asked: I'm single.
Me and Tom are not a thing.
We are not doing anything of the rudiedudie variety.
If anything I'm honoured you think he would ever see me that way, but no, I'm not so lucky.
We are roommates, and whether he ever noticed me like that would not be gay. I'm a woman, and can tell you now proudly I can f*cking suck a dick good.
I sit here and want to bounce back, to come up with a witty response, maybe take a picture of my asshole and post it with the caption "Hey your mirrors calling" and make some assy comment asking about their mum or some sh*t, but I'm too tired of this.
I loved going into responses & make sure to have everyone get a reply, but I dunno if I can do that and keep up with everything the way I did.
On the post where I said I was going dark, I literally had people doing the exact same stuff I'm taking the time away for, and I just sat there like "if they aren't getting a response, then noone is."
I know it's the Internet, and I need to be thick skinned, but time wears you down.
I like to think I've been good, and pretty f*cking cool.
But to be chipped away at again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again kinda takes it toll.
I just wanna make people happy.
I wanna make sure everyone has an equal space where they can be themselves, free of judgement, but everyone gets shredded and taken the piss out of, but also hyped up and supported tf out of by their fellow Goons. Noone is safe from that, and you get both, it's very entertaining and adorable to see it in action.
I could go on and on and on about this, but I genuinely am just hollowing out with each word I type knowing it isn't gonna do anything and thinking why does it matter? Why does anything matter? Does it really? And answer is I don't know, nor do I care at this point.
I'm done. You win. You finally broke me, and I can't be bothered.
If you don't understand, that's fine, because I don't understand you either and the difference is at least I recognise that and leave you alone.
Regardless I've taken up too much of your time as it is, so I guess I'll just end it here with a sorry and a thank you.
I'll be back to streams when I'm ready, so just get those bells dung and yeah...I'll just spontaneously kinda do sh*t.
Anyways
Spread Love Like Cheeks
Don't let anyone in this community feel how I do right now, because you all deserve better
See you round
Kat
Keep it breezy c*nts.
